Those UK Election manifestos in full:

Tories: We are going to take the light fittings and run to a tax haven. We will blame this on the trans.

Labour: We’re going to let other people take the light fittings and run to tax havens. It’s still the trans’ fault.

Lib Dems: 48 hour moritorium on stealing light fittings.

SNP: We want independence from HMRC, in case the light fittings are taxable.

Greens: Screw this, we’re going down the pub.