Modest proposal, RFC 50015A5, ADHCPD network address allocation.

This is a protocol for assigning IP addresses to clients on a network. It is very advanced and better than every other one because I started working on this last week and I already understand it really well.

The server: Upon receipt of a request from the client it will respond, "In a bit, just doing a thing", or maybe it won't. Then the client will ask again 5 minutes later and the server will cry because it thinks the client hates it. Eventually, just before the client times out, the server will provide an IPv4 address, netmask, router, and DNS information. It might be the same address issued to the previous client because it was done in a hurry and its didn't edit the copy and paste. Look, IT'S AN ADDRESS, OK?

The client: Upon joining the network the client will request an address. Or maybe it won't. Maybe it'll get round to doing that thing in 6 months but it will get to it because it's important. Requests are sent by just talking on the network. You have to interrupt because oh my god the other clients won't let you get a word in edgeways and also you were going to request an address when they did ages ago and they never gave you the chance and now they're all downloading porn instead. This is why you don't go to bars. They don't care about your IP allocation. They probably find you annoying and hate you.

IPv6: Yeah, should probably sort that. Probably only take 5 minutes. What are "SLAAC" and "ULA" anyway? Look, I have to go watch some YouTube videos about closed railway stations and also dinosaurs. STOP PRESSURING ME.