First few days on Elvanse and wow! This stuff is honestly astonishing.
If you’re seeing this on Bluesky it’s auto cross posted from fedi. Breaks might be in odd places.
It’s essentially created two versions of me. There is medicated me who is a competent adult and can Just Do Stuff and unmedicated me who is mot, and cannot (but who is fun and lovely and is the version writing this).
On the way up the transition between the two is smooth and continuous.
On the way down it is not. I can feel it starting to fade over above half and hour then it reaches some critical level and o spend 10-15 minutes just crashing.
And then I’m the person writing this again, but a bit dazed and bewildered.
I’m hoping this will get smoother. At the moment it leads to almost a discontinuity in personality, but only on the way down, where afterwards I simply cannot conceive of being the person I just was.
I think I need to get into the habit, before it wears off, of leaving myself something nice for just after the crash.
Elvanse!
NO FUCKING WAY!
Searching for hydrochloric acid on amazon.
It offers me sodium hypochlorite.
Fuck's actual sake
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I chain drink decaff Twinnings Everyday, have deliveries of coffee beans from Decadent Decaff and for at the Hackspace keep decaf Nescafe Azure. That mostly keeps me ticking.
Not all the decaffs are equal. That took a few goes. Some brands put a bit more care into it than others. And if you're shopping at supermarkets, I've noticed you have to go to the larger ones to get access to more than one brand on the shelf.
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Good practice for RSS Feeds, about which there seems to have been some fedi chat mendeddrum.org/@fanf/114324807…
linkspam!RSS/Atom feed best practise.
kevincox.ca/2022/05/06/rss-fee…
saved 2025-03-27 dotat.at/:/JTER8.html
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One of the more unhelpful trauma responses that’s resurfaced this year is the fear of copying. When I was a kid I was mocked for picking up interests from friends, so I used to try hard not to do that or to be cautious or contrary in how I developed interests.
I learned not to do this at some point, especially with transition initially (which I think I knew had to be about me and nobody else whatever my brain said) but it’s come back this year. I have to fight against an urge to reject for myself anything people I know find positive.
Filing under “fun realisations about ADHD”
We probably pretty much never make threads on r/AmITheAsshole
Because we already know.
Just got a letter from local Lib Dem’s.
It was insipid as fuck
So I voted green
About to start my Elvanse titration.
No alcohol or caffeine for 3 months.
Oof!
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Went out for dinner with Zoe’s parents. Shut down at the end as I tend to do.
Then had to walk back home through the city centre which was a riot of overstimulation and horrific. Just needed to get away so I walked really fast.
Every time I did this before I was like, “what the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I like this?” And I’d get angry with myself and that would often devolve into an argument.
But I now know exactly why I’m like this.
And it isn’t my fault.
And there was no argument.
May I present the glory that is seat 2A on a Ryanair 737-8200.
They only charge like 30 euros for this.
Oh, news. Said on Bsky but not here.
I have combination inattentive/hyperactive ADHD, officially.
I'm going to be starting treatment.
Hope it helps.
If you're able to, can I be a bother and ask some questions? Did you do right to choose and if so who did you go with?
I'm looking for recommendations since I had such a horrible time on the NHS, requested ICB funding for assessment outside local MH services.
Yeah it's a shit deal sometimes.
I went with NHS but am now on complaint#2. First assessment was with a yr 1 specialist GP in training, no supervisor, claimed I had the inattentive bits but no hyperactive so said it wasn't ADHD. Complained, got "second opinion" with consultant who said he thought I had ASD and refused to even discuss ADHD without school reports.
... Yup. I'm pretty sure a care plan shouldn't be "Akkikins will come back with school reports.
I refuse to see her until she produces school reports.
I've referred her for ASD assessment"
ASD questionnaires came back very unlikely to point not put on waiting list (AQ50 6/50, cambs behavioural empathy score of 69/80) so... Guess I was right? But refusal to assess me properly. Yay.
Anyway, also considering private.
Watched S03E01 of Amazon’s Wheel of Time thing.
Well, it was on while I played with my phone.
Problem with streaming series is they don’t have enough material to fill the seasons they’re given so instead of filler episodes we’re moving to entire filler seasons.
It’s just boring. It’s all boring.
And with years between seasons, nobody can remember what is actually supposed to be happening.
Let’s get back to TV where they get the fuck on with it.
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How do you have filler when you're adapting a 14-brick series?
(I watched S1 then was disinclined to renew my Prime subscription)
One of the hard bits of social media is feeling that the approval of people on the internet is important, and that their disapproval is to be avoided at all costs, even if it means avoiding discussion for fear of having a Wrong Take.
I'm working on myself to change this.
Imagine standing in that queue to have your photo taken against a wall while 8 trans women are watching, judging you.
We'd just been in the pub, by the way. Some of us use our time better.
It isn't even the location from the film. That's between platforms 4 and 5 because Rowling is a hack.
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Previous posts on ADHD and food/hunger generated a bit of confusion I think.
Let me see if I can explain. I'm currently making a cheese sandwich because the dishwasher needs emptying.
Does that make sense?
@Jo Dusepo جوهانا دوسپو Like doomscrolling. You know. When you’re bored? You need something to do?
We are always bored.
And housework is so boring it hurts.
Given the onerous requirements of the UK online safety act this is a very good way forward. mstdn.party/@pandorablake/1142…
I've spoken at length about my journey to a good solution over on Patreon: patreon.com/posts/open-source-…
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@Llwynog From the copy of this on Bsky:
Honestly, it’s just pervasive. Attitudes to snacking. The idea that unloading the dishwasher doesn’t have to be soul destroying. That listening to someone talking slowly doesn’t have to be enraging. That holding on to transient thoughts is possible. That you can stop the music. That you can just DO something even if it’s not urgent or interesting. That emotions aren’t zero or a million decibels. That hyperfocus isn’t a thing for them. That it’s not a constant fight against self loathing for not doing the thing. That they can just switch off. That telling someone that something that’s bothering them isn’t that important is actually supposed to help rather than annoy. That you don’t have to constantly seek approval that you’ll never get. That burnout doesn’t have to be a sword of Damocles.
And so on and so on.
@llwynog what, you mean people don't battle almost every day at work forcing themselves to do stuff and beating themselves up for all the stuff they didn't manage? That they're not expecting to be fired for all the work that didn't happen, and dreading the call that never comes?
Also in retrospective it shows that a lot of work isn't actually important bc no-one notices when you don't do it. Although I am very good at doing other things that get some attention so that helps.
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Why does all the personal funding require current enrollment in school? Why are all the internships only for students? Why do those certain jobs only hire recent graduates?
Age discrimination for exploitative employment of children under thirty
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This happened within 10 minutes of a single espresso. Just before my mind was racing.
Anyway, less than 2 weeks until my ADHD diagnosis appointment.
Want to understand me?
This is me
"He’s a really great guy except for when he jokes about murdering me."
The cishets are NOT ok. reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpd…
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Severance: I want to love it, but I can't help thinking they're doing the Lost and BSG(2004) thing of "jerk the viewer around because we didn't actually think beyond the elevator pitch" thing.
Also, GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT
People wanting to insult you before transition: “What are you? Some kind of GIRL?”
People waning to insult you after transition: “What are you? Some kind of MAN?”
Twist: they’re the same people
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To a bigot, there's nothing as manly as transfem transition.
Curiously, even though they may profess themselves to be the manliest man who ever manned, they're hardly ever manly enough to give transition a try.
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Sorting my hormones out has given me the trans eternal youth thing back.
I’m 51 years old. No makeup.
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